I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
