you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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