But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
