Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize