Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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