Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
