At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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