I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
