One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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