ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
