Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
