I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
being pregnant is like rehab
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
