Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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