Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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