i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
