Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
