How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
