I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
