Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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