sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
