I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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