All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
