we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
