dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
