You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
