we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
