So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
