I think i peed on brittanys purse
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
