I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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