the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
