Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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