I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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