also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was like eating out sand paper
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
