Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
