In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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