I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
