is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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