My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
