the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
