I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
