she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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