That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
