this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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