She said her name was "party"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
