Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
