If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
