My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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