omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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