Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize