i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
