Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
