woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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