I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
