what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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