Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
