Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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