Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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