New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
