I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
