NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
