Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
