I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
