I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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