what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize