i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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