yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
