threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
