Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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