the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
