I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
