So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
