If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
