thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize