Im at strip club and am horny
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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