YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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