apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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