I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize