I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
