Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
