well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
