Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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