Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
