Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize