he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
