Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
