Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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