Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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