giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
