I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize