did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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