Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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