Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
