hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
