I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize