What did we do last night that was yellow?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let's get the cat blown out
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
